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The rest of the short flight was accomplished in silence. When they had arrived and were comfortably stretched out on the pneumatic sofas in Bernards room, Helmholtz began again. Speaking very slowly, Did you ever feel, he asked, as though you had something inside you that was only waiting for you to give it a chance to come out? Some sort of extra power that you arent usingyou know, like all the water that goes down the falls instead of through the turbines? He looked at Bernard questioningly. You mean all the emotions one might be feeling if things were different? Helmholtz shook his head. Not quite. Im thinking of a queer feeling I sometimes get, a feeling that Ive got something important to say and the power to say itonly I dont know what it is, and I cant make any use of the power. If there was some different way of writing Or else something else to write about He was silent; then, You see, he went on at last, Im pretty good at inventing phrasesyou know, the sort of words that suddenly make you jump, almost as though youd sat on a pin, they seem so new and exciting even though theyre about something hypnopædically obvious. But that doesnt seem enough. Its not enough for the phrases to be good; what you make with them ought to be good too. But your things are good, Helmholtz. Oh, as far as they go. Helmholtz shrugged his shoulders. But they go such a little way. They arent important enough, somehow. I feel I could do something much more important. Yes, and more intense, more violent. But what? What is there more important to say? And how can one be violent about the sort of things ones expected to write about? Words can be like X-rays, if you use them properlytheyll go through anything. You read and youre pierced. Thats one of the things I try to teach my studentshow to write piercingly. But what on earths the good of being pierced by an article about a Community Sing, or the latest improvement in scent organs? Besides, can you make words really piercingyou know, like the very hardest X-rayswhen youre writing about that sort of thing? Can you say something about nothing? Thats what it finally boils down to. I try and I try Hush! said Bernard suddenly, and lifted a warning finger; they listened. I believe theres somebody at the door, he whispered. Helmholtz got up, tiptoed across the room, and with a sharp quick movement flung the door wide open. There was, of course, nobody there. Im sorry, said Bernard, feeling and looking uncomfortably foolish. I suppose Ive got things on my nerves a bit. When people are suspicious with you, you start being suspicious with them. He passed his hand across his eyes, he sighed, his voice became plaintive. He was justifying himself. If you knew what Id had to put up with recently, he said almost tearfullyand the uprush of his self-pity was like a fountain suddenly released. If you only knew! Helmholtz Watson listened with a certain sense of discomfort. Poor little Bernard! he said to himself. But at the same time he felt rather ashamed for his friend. He wished Bernard would show a little more pride. |
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