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Chapter 27 There is nothing so foolish, when you are at the expence of making an entertainment of this kind, as to order things so badly, as to let your criticks and gentry of refined taste run it down: Nor is there any thing so likely to make them do it, as that of leaving them out of the party, or, what is full as offensive, of bestowing your attention upon the rest of your guests in so particular a way, as if there was no such thing as a critick (by occupation) at table. I guard against both; for, in the first place, I have left half a dozen places purposely open for them;and in the next place, I pay them all court.Gentlemen, I kiss your hands, I protest no company could give me half the pleasure,by my soul I am glad to see youI beg only you will make no strangers of yourselves, but sit down without any ceremony, and fall on heartily. I said I had left six places, and I was upon the point of carrying my complaisance so far, as to have left a seventh open for them,and in this very spot I stand on; but being told by a Critick (tho not by occupation,- -but by nature) that I had acquitted myself well enough, I shall fill it up directly, hoping, in the mean time, that I shall be able to make a great deal of more room next year. How, in the name of wonder! could your uncle Toby, who, it seems, was a military man, and whom you have represented as no fool,be at the same time such a confused, pudding-headed, muddle- headed, fellow, asGo look. So, Sir Critick, I could have replied; but I scorn it.Tis language unurbane,and only befitting the man who cannot give clear and satisfactory accounts of things, or dive deep enough into the first causes of human ignorance and confusion. It is moreover the reply valiantand therefore I reject it; for tho it might have suited my uncle Tobys character as a soldier excellently well,and had he not accustomed himself, in such attacks, to whistle the Lillabullero, as he wanted no courage, tis the very answer he would have given; yet it would by no means have done for me. You see as plain as can be, that I write as a man of erudition;that even my similies, my allusions, my illustrations, my metaphors, are erudite,and that I must sustain my character properly, and contrast it properly too,else what would become of me? Why, Sir, I should be undone;at this very moment that I am going here to fill up one place against a critick,I should have made an opening for a couple. Therefore I answer thus: Pray, Sir, in all the reading which you have ever read, did you ever read such a book as Lockes Essay upon the Human Understanding?Dont answer me rashlybecause many, I know, quote the book, who have not read itand many have read it who understand it not:If either of these is your case, as I write to instruct, I will tell you in three words what the book is. It is a history.A history! of who? what? where? when? Dont hurry yourselfIt is a history-book, Sir, (which may possibly recommend it to the world) of what passes in a mans own mind; and if you will say so much of the book, and no more, believe me, you will cut no contemptible figure in a metaphysick circle. ________________________________________ My Uncle Tobys Whistle, Lillibullero. The Ballad (See Percys Relics of Ancient English Poetry, vol.2, page 358) to this tune was written in the year 1686, on account ofKing James II. nominating to the Lieutenancy of Ireland General Talbot, newly created Earl of Tyrconnel, a furious Papist, who had recommened himself to his bigoted master by his arbitrary treatment of the Portestants in the preceding year, when only Lieutenant-General; and whose subsequent conduct fully justified his expectations and their fears. This foolish Ballad, treating the Papists, and chiefly the Irish, in a very ridiculous manner, had a burden, said to be Irish words, Lero, lero, lillibullero, and made an impression on the (Kings) army more powerful than either the phillippics of Demonsthenes or Cicero. The whole army, and at last the people, both in city and country, were singing it perpetually. Perhaps never had so slight a thing so great an effect, for |
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