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Chapter 17 Tho the shock my uncle Toby received the year after the demolition of Dunkirk, in his affair with widow Wadman, had fixed him in a resolution never more to think of the sexor of aught which belonged to it;yet corporal Trim had made no such bargain with himself. Indeed in my uncle Tobys case there was a strange and unaccountable concurrence of circumstances, which insensibly drew him in, to lay siege to that fair and strong citadel.In Trims case there was a concurrence of nothing in the world, but of him and Bridget in the kitchen;though in truth, the love and veneration he bore his master was such, and so fond was he of imitating him in all he did, that had my uncle Toby employed his time and genius in tagging of pointsI am persuaded the honest corporal would have laid down his arms, and followed his example with pleasure. When therefore my uncle Toby sat down before the mistresscorporal Trim incontinently took ground before the maid. Now, my dear friend Garrick, whom I have so much cause to esteem and honour(why, or wherefore, tis no matter)can it escape your penetrationI defy itthat so many play-wrights, and opificers of chit- chat have ever since been working upon Trims and my uncle Tobys pattern.- -I care not what Aristotle, or Pacuvius, or Bossu, or Ricaboni say(though I never read one of them)there is not a greater difference between a single-horse chair and madam Pompadours vis-á-vis; than betwixt a single amour, and an amour thus nobly doubled, and going upon all four, prancing throughout a grand dramaSir, a simple, single, silly affair of that kind- -is quite lost in five actsbut that is neither here nor there. After a series of attacks and repulses in a course of nine months on my uncle Tobys quarter, a most minute account of every particular of which shall be given in its proper place, my uncle Toby, honest man! found it necessary to draw off his forces and raise the siege somewhat indignantly. Corporal Trim, as I said, had made no such bargain either with himselfor with any one elsethe fidelity however of his heart not suffering him to go into a house which his master had forsaken with disgusthe contented himself with turning his part of the siege into a blockade;that is, he kept others off;for though he never after went to the house, yet he never met Bridget in the village, but he would either nod or wink, or smile, or look kindly at heror (as circumstances directed) he would shake her by the handor ask her lovingly how she didor would give her a ribbonand now-and-then, though never but when it could be done with decorum, would give Bridget a. . . Precisely in this situation, did these things stand for five years; that is from the demolition of Dunkirk in the year 13, to the latter end of my uncle Tobys campaign in the year 18, which was about six or seven weeks before the time Im speaking of.When Trim, as his custom was, after he had put my uncle Toby to bed, going down one moon-shiny night to see that every thing was right at his fortificationsin the lane separated from the bowling-green with flowering shrubs and hollyhe espied his Bridget. As the corporal thought there was nothing in the world so well worth shewing as the glorious works which he and my uncle Toby had made, Trim courteously and gallantly took her by the hand, and led her in: this was not done so privately, but that the foul-mouthd trumpet of Fame carried it from ear to ear, till at length it reachd my fathers, with this untoward circumstance along with it, that my uncle Tobys curious draw-bridge, constructed and painted after the Dutch fashion, and which went quite across the ditchwas broke down, and somehow or other crushed all to pieces that very night. My Father, as you have observed, had no great esteem for my uncle Tobys hobby-horse; he thought it the most ridiculous horse that ever gentleman mounted; and indeed unless my uncle Toby vexed him about it, could never think of it once, without smiling at itso that it could never get lame or happen any mischance, but it tickled my fathers imagination beyond measure; but this being an accident much more to his humour than any one which had yet befalln it, it proved an inexhaustible fund of entertainment to himWellbut dear Toby! my father would say, do tell me seriously how this affair of the bridge happened.How can you teaze me so much about it? my uncle Toby would replyI have told it you twenty times, word for word as Trim told it me.Prithee, how was it then, corporal? my father would cry, turning to Trim.It was a mere misfortune, an please your honour;I was shewing Mrs. Bridget our fortifications, and in going too near the edge of the fossé, I unfortunately slippd inVery well, Trim! |
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