not to mean to be reconciled in time; but I was the injured person, injured by her coldness, and I went
away determined that she should make the first advances. - I shall always congratulate myself that you
were not of the Box Hill party. Had you witnessed my behaviour there, I can hardly suppose you would
ever have thought well of me again. Its effect upon her appears in the immediate resolution it produced: as
soon as she found I was really gone from Randalls, she closed with the offer of that officious Mrs. Elton; the
whole system of whose treatment of her, by the bye, has ever filled me with indignation and hatred.
I must not quarrel with a spirit of forbearance which has been so richly extended towards myself; but,
otherwise, I should loudly protest against the share of it which that woman has known. - `Jane,' indeed! -
You will observe that I have not yet indulged myself in calling her by that name, even to you. Think,
then, what I must have endured in hearing it bandied between the Eltons with all the vulgarity of needless
repetition, and all the insolence of imaginary superiority. Have patience with me, I shall soon have done. -
She closed with this offer, resolving to break with me entirely, and wrote the next day to tell me that
we never were to meet again. - She felt the engagement to be a source of repentance and misery to
each: she dissolved it. - This letter reached me on the very morning of my poor aunt's death. I answered
it within an hour; but from the confusion of my mind, and the multiplicity of business falling on me at
once, my answer, instead of being sent with all the many other letters of that day, was locked up in my
writing-desk; and I, trusting that I had written enough, though but a few lines, to satisfy her, remained
without any uneasiness. - I was rather disappointed that I did not hear from her again speedily; but I
made excuses for her, and was too busy, and - may I add? - too cheerful in my views to be captious. -
We removed to Windsor; and two days afterwards I received a parcel from her, my own letters all returned! -
and a few lines at the same time by the post, stating her extreme surprize at not having had the smallest
reply to her last; and adding, that as silence on such a point could not be misconstrued, and as it must
be equally desirable to both to have every subordinate arrangement concluded as soon as possible, she
now sent me, by a safe conveyance, all my letters, and requested, that if I could not directly command
hers, so as to send them to Highbury within a week, I would forward them after that period to her at - :
in short, the full direction to Mr. Smallridge's, near Bristol, stared me in the face. I knew the name, the
place, I knew all about it, and instantly saw what she had been doing. It was perfectly accordant with
that resolution of character which I knew her to possess; and the secrecy she had maintained, as to any
such design in her former letter, was equally descriptive of its anxious delicacy. For the world would not
she have seemed to threaten me. - Imagine the shock; imagine how, till I had actually detected my own
blunder, I raved at the blunders of the post. - What was to be done? - One thing only. - I must speak to
my uncle. Without his sanction I could not hope to be listened to again. - I spoke; circumstances were in
my favour; the late event had softened away his pride, and he was, earlier than I could have anticipated,
wholly reconciled and complying; and could say at last, poor man! with a deep sigh, that he wished I
might find as much happiness in the marriage state as he had done. - I felt that it would be of a different
sort. - Are you disposed to pity me for what I must have suffered in opening the cause to him, for my
suspense while all was at stake? - No; do not pity me till I reached Highbury, and saw how ill I had made
her. Do not pity me till I saw her wan, sick looks. - I reached Highbury at the time of day when, from
my knowledge of their late breakfast hour, I was certain of a good chance of finding her alone. - I was
not disappointed; and at last I was not disappointed either in the object of my journey. A great deal of
very reasonable, very just displeasure I had to persuade away. But it is done; we are reconciled, dearer,
much dearer, than ever, and no moment's uneasiness can ever occur between us again. Now, my dear
madam, I will release you; but I could not conclude before. A thousand and a thousand thanks for all the
kindness you have ever shewn me, and ten thousand for the attentions your heart will dictate towards
her. - If you think me in a way to be happier than I deserve, I am quite of your opinion. - Miss W. calls
me the child of good fortune. I hope she is right. - In one respect, my good fortune is undoubted, that
of being able to subscribe myself, Your obliged and affectionate Son, F. C. WESTON CHURCHILL.