Big Bibliomania Movie Hybrids

Time, methinks, for some light relief in Well Red Magazine. The following film synopses (Hollywood please take note) summarise films that can be made by combining famous movies with other movies or books. Bibliomania's own suggestions are given below, and in every case surpass the originals! These suggestions began life as an exchange of emails and our thanks are due to all who have contributed.

When you're through with these, and if you have too much time on your hands and too much pop culture in your head, send us your own suggestions! Anyone who wins our approval will have their entries published next month and will win a copy of Keats' Collected Poems or Oscar Wilde's plays, novel, poems, or short stories (please specify in your entry). Send answers to competitions@bibliomania.com.

In this period melodrama, Elinor Dashwood (Emma Thompson) struggles to hold her family together while seeking husbands for herself and her younger sister Marianne (Kate Winslet). In an unexpected twist, Marianne begins receiving visits from otherworldly figures at the most inopportune times. In a hilarious take on the comedy of manners, Elinor tries to conceal her sister's increasingly erratic behaviour from the dashing Willoughby (Bruce Willis). The surprise ending will have viewers talking for days.

A classic tale of a marriage going murderously awry in space. Kathleen Turner (played by Carrie Fisher) and Michael Douglas (mimed by Harrison Ford, but voiced by Anthony Daniels) go bonkers in their suburban space house on Tatooine.

John Belushi and a cast of total unknowns attend college dressed as farmyard animals where toga styles mimic the Russian Revolution in this screwball tragic-comedy.

Appalling straight to video B-movie where a pretty girl meets a strange old granny figure in a town where nothing happens causing weird large tomato-headed people to come and close their café down and kill the old woman. Young girl single-handedly whines killer tomatoes out of existence.

Brad Pitt and his bolshy sidekick (Brad Pitt again) investigate a number of grizzly murders all closely linked with the teachings of the Dalai Lama.

Cross-dressing B-movie producer Johnny Depp makes UFO story set in quiet Welsh fishing village.

A weatherman, Phil Taft, is reluctantly sent to the cold tundra of Alaska to cover a story about Aegis, a new oil company. When the oil company's CEO sees Phil as a major threat to uncover his company's corrupt waste disposal practices, he attempts to have Phil killed just before Aegis' grand opening celebration. Phil is saved and regains consciousness in the igloo of Masu, an Eskimo woman. Fists, feet, bullets and bombs fly when Phil's mission is to prevent pollution and stop the new refinery from going on-line before the land rights are returned to Masu and her Eskimo friends. Upon awaking the following day, Phil discovers that it's Aegis' Grand Opening celebration again, and again, and again... First he uses this repetition of the same day to his advantage to score with Masu. Then Phil comes to the realization that he is doomed to spend the rest of eternity in wintry Alaska doing same stupid Steven Seagal film every day.

On holiday in Italy, virginal English rose Helena Bonham Carter witnesses a murder committed by Simon Callow who kills Roger Moore in a bid to achieve 'English actor supremacy' while Grace Jones stands by and pouts a lot.

Bad guys kill the family just before Maria comes to live there. Bloke playing a harmonica keeps popping up while guys in long leather coats dance and fight with other blokes in long leather coats. Meanwhile