the railway line approaches and the Sharks and the Jets both want to control the water supplies. Most people die, but they are all happy to have been shot in America.

A demonic figure lurks in the sewers beneath the Paris Opera, only rearing its ugly head to disrupt the performances taking place above. Clapping in all the wrong places, eating noisy food, tum-tee-tumming along with the tune, wearing jeans and playing with his light sabre, are just some of the heinous faux- pas to which the more genteel members of the opera-going public are regularly subjected.

A group of mercenaries sent into deepest Africa to carry out a diamond heist ends tragically as Mr. Khaki (Richard Harries) finds out that Mr. Camoflague (Harvey Keitel) is an undercover mobster. Quentin Tarantino directs and also stars in a memorable scene whereby he explains the meaning of Shirley Bassey lyrics to Nice Guy James (Roger Moore).

Molly Ringwald and Ed Norton have a bare fistfight during Saturday morning detention, while dressed in hideously outdated '80s clothes. In the final moments Helena Bonham Carter gets a makeover and becomes a goth, and a number of buildings blow up for no obvious reason while "Don't You Forget About Me" plays in the background.

Despite his disability, Kevin Bacon is determined to win the local dance-off and the girl of his dreams. Using the only limb he can move, his left foot, he perfects a routine which he believes can do both. The staid traditionalists of his hometown are not happy with his innovation, believing that he is encouraging loose values amongst the town's teenagers. So, they send him to Ireland.

Nicholas Cage walks out of an Elvis film to get himself a drink.

Jimmy Stewart realises that whatever troubles life may throw at him, it's still better than being rounded up by the Nazis.

Luke learns the awful truth that Marty McFly is his father.

Balding John Travolta puts on his Arsenal shirt and dances the night away (until 10.30 when he has to go home to watch 'Match of the Day').

Hugh Grant stars as the heavyweight champion of the world. Enough said.

Robert de Niro handcuffed to a plasticine chicken crosses America to escape Hugh Laurie's voice.

Jim Carrey as the disfigured autistic comedian who can't lie down meets his long-lost brother Tom Cruise.

A heart-warming animated story of how a fox is befriended by a dog which, under a full moon, turns into a crazed demon of the night and rips said fox to pieces.

Comedy about the infiltration of a college gridiron team by genetically-bred Nazis. Adam Sadler is the young Gregory Peck (who shows a hidden talent for slapstick).

Audrey Hepburn stars as an unlikely master criminal who inexplicably and rather unconvincingly swaps faces with a chubby John Travolta in this fast-moving expose of the corruption of the modelling world ending in a spectacular dancing speedboat sequence.

After living with the tramps and vagrants of the British Isles for six months, a starving Marlon Brando decamps to Paris in search of the fabled 'Parisienne Butter Banquet'. While cruising the 7th Arondissement, he slips on a mound of Flora and falls, crushing three tramps and a 'lady of the night' on his way. His