“What do you mean, household serf? That wouldn’t be such a bad swindle! The runaway was… my nose.…”

“Hmm! what a strange name! And did this Mr. Nosov rob you of a big sum?”

“My nose, I mean to say—You’ve misunderstood me. My nose, my very own nose has disappeared goodness knows where. The devil must have wished to play a trick on me!”

“But how did it disappear? I don’t quite understand it.”

“Well, I can’t tell you how; but the main thing is that it is now gallivanting about town and calling itself a state councillor. And that is why I am asking you to advertise that whoever apprehends it should deliver it to me immediately and without delay. Judge for yourself. How, indeed, can I do without such a conspicuous part of my body? It isn’t like some little toe which I put into my boot, and no one can see whether it is there or not. On Thursdays I call at the house of Mrs. Chekhtaryova, a state councillor’s wife. Mrs. Podtochina, Pelageya Grigoryevna, a field officer’s wife, and her very pretty daughter, are also very good friends of mine, and you can judge for yourself how can I now… I can’t appear at their house now.”

The clerk thought hard, his lips pursed tightly in witness thereof.

“No, I can’t insert such an advertisement in the papers,” he said at last after a long silence.

“How so? Why?”

“Well, the paper might lose its reputation. If everyone were to write that his nose had run away, why… As it is, people say that too many absurd stories and false rumors are printed.”

“But why is this business absurd? I don’t think it is anything of the sort.”

“That’s what you think. But take last week, there was another such case. A civil servant came in, just as you have, bringing a note, was billed two rubles seventy-three kopecks, and all the advertisement consisted of was that a black-coated poodle had run away. Doesn’t seem to amount to much, does it now? But it turned out to be a libel. This so-called poodle was the treasurer of I don’t recall what institution.”

“But I am not putting in an advertisement about a poodle—it’s about my very own nose; that is, practically the same as about myself.”

“No, I can’t possibly insert such an advertisement.”

“But when my nose actually has disappeared!”

“If it has disappeared, then it’s a doctor’s business. They say there are people who can fix you up with any nose you like. However, I observe that you must be a man of gay disposition and fond of kidding in company.”

“I swear to you by all that is holy! Perhaps, if it comes to that, why I’ll show you.”

“Why trouble yourself?” continued the clerk, taking a pinch of snuff. “However, if it isn’t too much trouble,” he added, moved by curiosity, “I’d like to have a look.”

The collegiate assessor removed the handkerchief from his face.

“Very strange indeed!” said the clerk. “It’s absolutely flat, like a pancake fresh off the griddle. Yes, incredibly smooth.”