“What do you say, Peter Feodorovich? I don’t understand at all.”

“Pardon me, Ivan Ivanovich! how is it that you do not understand? Your own beast has destroyed a very important government document; and you can still say, after that, that you do not understand!”

“What beast?”

“Your own brown sow, with your permission, be it said.”

“How am I responsible? Why did the janitor of the court open the door?”

“But, Ivan Ivanovich, your own brown sow. You must be responsible.”

“I am extremely obliged to you for comparing me to a sow.”

“But I did not say that, Ivan Ivanovich! By Heavens! I did not say it! Pray judge from your own clear conscience. It is known to you without doubt, that, in accordance with the views of the government, unclean animals are forbidden to roam about the city, particularly in the principal streets. Confess, now, that it is prohibited.”

“God knows what you are talking about! A mighty important business, that a sow got into the street!”

“Permit me to inform you, Ivan Ivanovich, permit me, permit me, that this is utterly impossible. What is to be done? The authorities command, we must obey. I don’t deny, that sometimes chickens and geese run about the streets, and even about the square—pray observe, chickens and geese; but only last year, I gave orders that pigs and goats were not to be admitted to the public squares, which regulations I directed to be read aloud at the time, in the assembly before all the people.”

“No, Peter Feodorovich, I see nothing here except that you are doing your best to insult me.”

“But you cannot say, my dearest friend and benefactor, that I have tried to insult you. Bethink yourself: I never said a word to you last year when you built a roof a whole arshin higher than was fixed by law. On the contrary, I pretended not to have observed it. Believe me, my dearest friend, even now, I would, so to speak… but my duty, in a word, my obligations, demand that I should have an eye to cleanliness. Just judge for yourself, when suddenly in the principal street”…

“Fine principal streets yours are! Every woman goes there and throws down any rubbish she chooses.”

“Permit me to inform you, Ivan Ivanovich, that it is you who are insulting me. In fact, that does sometimes happen, but, as a rule, only beside fences, sheds, or store-houses; but that a filthy sow should intrude herself in the main street, in the square, now that’s matter”…

“What sort of a matter? Peter Feodorovich! surely a sow is one of God’s creatures!”

“Agreed. Everybody knows that you are a learned man, that you are acquainted with sciences and various other subjects. In short, I never studied the sciences: I began to learn to write in my thirteenth year. Of course you know that I was a soldier in the ranks.”

“Hm!” said Ivan Ivanovich.

“Yes,” continued the chief of police, “in 1801 I was in the Forty-second Regiment of chasseurs, lieutenant in the Fourth Battalion. The commander of our battalion was, if I may be permitted to mention it, Capt. Eremeeff.” Thereupon the chief of police thrust his fingers into the snuffbox which Ivan Ivanovich was holding open, and stirred up the snuff.

Ivan Ivanovich answered, “Hm!”