“Where was that?” asked Felix.

“Alone,” answered Standish.

“That would be all very fine if they stayed there,” said Felix.

“Now,” said Standish, “as I was talking of me travels in foreign parts, I want to tell you about the morning I walked along the beach at Ballysantamalo, an’ a warm morning it was too. So I ses to meself, ‘Standish McNeill,’ ses I, ‘what kind of a fool of a man are you? Why don’t you take a swim for yourself?’ So I did take a swim, and’ I swam to the rocks where the seals goes to get their photographs taken; an’ while I was havin’ a rest for meself I noticed a grasshopper sittin’ a short distance away, an’, pon me word, but he was the most sorrowful lookin’ grasshopper I ever saw before or since. Then all of a sudden a monster whale comes up from the sea and lies down beside him an’ ses: ‘Well,’ ses he, ‘is that you? Who’d ever think of finding you here. Why, there’s nothing strange under the sun but the ways of woman.’

“ ‘’This me that’s here, then,’ said the grasshopper. ‘Me grandmother died last night an’ she wasn’t insured either.’

“ ‘The practice of negligence is the curse of mankind and the root of sorrow,’ ses the whale. ‘I suppose the poor old soul had her fill of days, an’ sure we all must die, an’ ’tis cheaper to be dead than alive at any time. A man never knows that he’s dead when he is dead an’ he never knows he’s alive until he’s married.’

“ ‘You’re a great one to expatiate on things you know nothing about, like the barbers and the cobblers,’ said the grasshopper. ‘I only want to know if you’re coming to the funeral to-morrow?’

“ ‘I’m sorry I can’t,’ ses the whale. ‘Me grandfather is getting married, for the tenth time, an’ as I was in China on the last few occasions I must pay me respects by being present at to-morrow’s festivities,’ ses he.

“ ‘I’m sorry you can’t come,’ ses the grasshopper, ‘because you are heartily welcome an’ you’d add prestige to the ceremony besides.’

“ ‘I know that,’ ses the whale, ‘but America doesn’t care much about ceremony.’

“ ‘Who told you that?’ ses the grasshopper.

“ ‘Haven’t I me eyesight, an’ don’t I read the newspapers,’ ses the whale.

“ ‘You mustn’t read the society columns, then,’ ses the grasshopper.

“ ‘Wisha, for the love of St. Crispin,’ ses the whale, ‘have they society columns in the American newspapers?’

“ ‘Indeed they have,’ ses the grasshopper, and ‘they oftentimes devote a few columns to other matters when the dressmakers don’t be busy.’

“ ‘America is a strange country surely, a wonderful country, not to say a word about the length and breadth of it. I swam around it twice last week without stoppin’, to try an’ reduce me weight, an’ would you believe me that I was tired after the journey, but the change of air only added to me proportions.’

“ ‘That’s too bad,’ said the grasshopper.

“ ‘Are you an American? ’said the whale.

“ ‘Of course I am,’ ses the grasshopper. ‘You don’t think ’tis the way I’d be born at sea an’ no nationality at all like yourself. I’m proud of me country.’