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fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. The fascination of the abominationyou know. Imagine the growing regrets, the longing to escape, the powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate. He paused. Mind, he began again, lifting one arm from the elbow, the palm of the hand outwards, so that, with his legs folded before him, he had the pose of a Buddha preaching in European clothes and without a lotus-flowerMind, none of us would feel exactly like this. What saves us is efficiencythe devotion to efficiency. But these chaps were not much account, really. They were no colonists; their administration was merely a squeeze, and nothing more, I suspect. They were conquerors, and for that you want only brute forcenothing to boast of, when you have it, since your strength is just an accident arising from the weakness of others. They grabbed what they could get for the sake of what was to be got. It was just robbery with violence, aggravated murder on a great scale, and men going at it blindas is very proper for those who tackle a darkness. The conquest of the earth, which mostly means the taking it away from those who have a different complexion or slightly flatter noses than ourselves, is not a pretty thing when you look into it too much. What redeems it is the idea only. An idea at the back of it; not a sentimental pretense but an idea; and an unselfish belief in the ideasomething you can set up, and bow down before, and offer a sacrifice to. He broke off. Flames glided in the river, small green flames, red flames, white flames, pursuing, overtaking, joining, crossing each otherthen separating slowly or hastily. The traffic of the great city went on in the deepening night upon the sleepless river. We looked on, waiting patientlythere was nothing else to do till the end of the flood; but it was only after a long silence, when he said, in a hesitating voice, I suppose you fellows remember I did once turn fresh-water sailor for a bit, that we knew we were fated, before the ebb began to run, to hear about one of Marlows inconclusive experiences. I dont want to bother you much with what happened to me personally, he began, showing in this remark the weakness of many tellers of tales who seem so often unaware of what their audience would best like to hear; yet to understand the effect of it on me you ought to know how I got out there, what I saw, how I went up that river to the place where I first met the poor chap. It was the farthest point of navigation and the culminating point of my experience. It seemed somehow to throw a kind of light on everything about meand into my thoughts. It was somber enough tooand pitifulnot extraordinary in any waynot very clear either. No, not very clear. And yet it seemed to throw a kind of light. I had then, as you remember, just returned to London after a lot of Indian Ocean, Pacific, China Seasa regular dose of the Eastsix years or so, and I was loafing about, hindering you fellows in your work and invading your homes, just as though I had got a heavenly mission to civilize you. It was very fine for a time, but after a bit I did get tired of resting. Then I began to look for a shipI should think the hardest work on earth. But the ships wouldnt even look at me. And I got tired of that game too. Now when I was a little chap I had a passion for maps. I would look for hours at South America, or Africa, or Australia, and lose myself in all the glories of exploration. At that time there were many blank spaces on the earth, and when I saw one that looked particularly inviting on a map (but they all look that) I would put my finger on it and say, When I grow up I will go there. The North Pole was one of these places, I remember. Well, I havent been there yet, and shall not try now. The glamours off. Other places were scattered about the Equator, and in every sort of latitude all over the two hemispheres. I have been in some of them, and well, we wont talk about that. But there was one yetthe biggest, the most blank, so to speakthat I had a hankering after. True, by this time it was not a blank space any more. It had got filled since my boyhood with rivers and lakes and names. It had ceased to be a blank space of delightful mysterya white patch for a boy to dream gloriously over. It had become a place of darkness. But there was in it one river especially, a mighty big river, that you could see on the map, resembling an immense snake uncoiled, with its head in the sea, its body at rest curving afar over a vast country, and its tail lost in the depths of the land. And |
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