They went to the pub. Sometimes the Captain’s former customer, distracted and unsettled by the entertainment, returned to the doss-house and the next day they would again begin treating each other to drinks, till the Captain’s companion would wake up one bright morning to realize that all his money had been spent on drink.

“Your honor, see, I’ave joined your company once more! What shall we do?”

“The position, no doubt, is not one that should be encouraged, still one should not grouse if one gets into it,” reasoned the Captain. “One should be indifferent to all things, my friend, not spoil one’s life with philosophy, and not ask oneself any questions. To philosophize is always foolish; to philosophize with a drunken headache indescribably so. Drunken headaches require more vodka, not more remorse, or gnashing of teeth…save your teeth, they may come in useful when you are beaten up. Here are twenty kopecks, go and buy a bottle of vodka, some hot tripe or lungs for five kopecks, one pound of bread and two cucumbers. When we have lived off our drunken headaches we will discuss the situation.”

As a rule the discussion of the situation lasted for two or three days, and only stopped when the Captain had not a kopeck left of the three or five rubles which were in his pocket at the arrival of his grateful customer.

“Well, we’re in the soup now all right,” he then would say. “Now that we have drunk with you to the last penny, you fool, let us try once more to regain the path of virtue and sobriety. It has been justly said that if you do not sin, you will not repent, and if you do not repent, you shall not be saved. We have done the first, and to repent is useless. Let us make straight for salvation. Go to work on the river, and if you think you cannot rely on your wisdom, tell the contractor to keep your money, or else give it to me. When we shall have gathered sufficient capital, I shall get you a pair of trousers and other things necessary to make you look like a respectable and hard-working man, persecuted by fate. With decent- looking trousers you can go far once more. Now then, be off!”

Then the client would go to the river to work as a boatman, pondering humorously over the Captain’s speeches. He did not fully understand them, but saw in front of him two merry eyes, felt an encouraging influence, and knew that in the loquacious Captain he had an arm that would assist him in time of need.

And it actually happened that, after a month or so of hard work, owing to the strict surveillance of the Captain, the client managed to raise himself slightly from the condition to which, thanks to the same Captain’s kind co-operation, he had sunk.

“Now then, my friend!” said the Captain, glancing critically at the restored client, “we have a coat and a jacket. They are factors of immense importance—trust my word for it. When I had respectable trousers I lived in a town like a respectable man. But as soon as the trousers fell to pieces, I, too, fell in the opinion of my fellow men, and had to come down here from the town. Men, you precious idiot, judge everything by outward appearances, the real essence of things escapes them, for they are born stupid. Bear this in mind, and pay me at least half of your debt. Then go in peace, seek, and you may find.”

“How much do I owe you, Aristid Fomich?” asked the client, in confusion.

“One ruble and seventy kopecks…now, give me one ruble only, or, if you like, seventy kopecks, and for the rest, I shall wait until you have earned more than you have now, whether by stealing or by hard work.”

“I thank you humbly for your kindness!” said the client, touched to the heart. “Truly you are a kind man…; Life has persecuted you unjustly.…What an eagle you would have been in your right place!”

The Captain could not live without eloquent speeches.

“What does ‘in my right place’ mean? No one really knows his right place in life, and every one of us crawls into another one’s harness. The place of the merchant Judas Petunikov ought to be in penal