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Do you happen to have a drop of rum or brandy? Have pity on me, Olya, and look in the cupboard; I am frozen, he said, addressing the maid. I sat down by the fire again, looked on, listened, and from time to time put in a word in the general conversation. My wife smiled graciously to the visitors and kept a sharp lookout on me, as though I were a wild beast. She was oppressed by my presence, and this aroused in me jealousy, annoyance, and an obstinate desire to wound her. Wife, these snug rooms, the place by the fire, I thought, are mine, have been mine for years, but some crazy Ivan Ivanitch or Sobol has for some reason more right to them than I. Now I see my wife, not out of window, but close at hand, in ordinary home surroundings that I feel the want of now I am growing older, and, in spite of her hatred for me, I miss her as years ago in my childhood I used to miss my mother and my nurse. And I feel that now, on the verge of old age, my love for her is purer and loftier than it was in the past; and that is why I want to go up to her, to stamp hard on her toe with my heel, to hurt her and smile as I do it. Monsieur Marten, I said, addressing the doctor, how many hospitals have we in the district? Sobol, my wife corrected. Two, answered Sobol. And how many deaths are there every year in each hospital? Pavel Andreitch, I want to speak to you, said my wife. She apologized to the visitors and went to the next room. I got up and followed her. You will go upstairs to your own rooms this minute, she said. You are ill-bred, I said to her. You will go upstairs to your own rooms this very minute, she repeated sharply, and she looked into my face with hatred. She was standing so near that if I had stooped a little my beard would have touched her face. What is the matter? I asked. What harm have I done all at once? Her chin quivered, she hastily wiped her eyes, and, with a cursory glance at the looking-glass, whispered: The old story is beginning all over again. Of course you wont go away. Well, do as you like. Ill go away myself, and you stay. We returned to the drawing-room, she with a resolute face, while I shrugged my shoulders and tried to smile. There were some more visitorsan elderly lady and a young man in spectacles. Without greeting the new arrivals or taking leave of the others, I went off to my own rooms. After what had happened at tea and then again downstairs, it became clear to me that our family happiness, which we had begun to forget about in the course of the last two years, was through some absurd and trivial reason beginning all over again, and that neither I nor my wife could now stop ourselves; and that next day or the day after, the outburst of hatred would, as I knew by experience of past years, be followed by something revolting which would upset the whole order of our lives. So it seems that during these two years we have grown no wiser, colder, or calmer, I thought as I began walking about the rooms. So there will again be tears, outcries, curses, packing up, going abroad, then the continual sickly fear that she will disgrace me with some cox-comb out there, Italian or Russian, refusing a passport, letters, utter loneliness, missing her, and in five years old age, grey hairs. I walked about, imagining what was really impossibleher, grown handsomer, stouter, embracing a man I did not know. By now convinced |
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