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in free love myself, yes. But to my thinking, once you have settled together, you ought to go on living together all your life. Without love? I will tell you directly, said Samoylenko. Eight years ago there was an old fellow, an agent, herea man of very great intelligence. Well, he used to say that the great thing in married life was patience. Do you hear, Vanya? Not love, but patience. Love cannot last long. You have lived two years in love, and now evidently your married life has reached the period when, in order to preserve equilibrium, so to speak, you ought to exercise all your patience. You believe in your old agent; to me his words are meaningless. Your old man could be a hypocrite; he could exercise himself in the virtue of patience, and, as he did so, look upon a person he did not love as an object indispensable for his moral exercises; but I have not yet fallen so low. If I want to exercise myself in patience, I will buy dumb-bells or a frisky horse, but Ill leave human beings alone. Samoylenko asked for some white wine with ice. When they had drunk a glass each, Laevsky suddenly asked: Tell me, please, what is the meaning of softening of the brain? How can I explain it to you? Its a disease in which the brain becomes softer as it were, dissolves. Is it curable? Yes, if the disease is not neglected. Cold douches, blisters. Something internal, too. Oh! Well, you see my position; I cant live with her: it is more than I can do. While Im with you I can be philosophical about it and smile, but at home I lose heart completely; I am so utterly miserable, that if I were told, for instance, that I should have to live another month with her, I should blow out my brains. At the same time, parting with her is out of the question. She has no friends or relations; she cannot work, and neither she nor I have any money. What could become of her? To whom could she go? There is nothing one can think of. Come, tell me, what am I to do? Hm! growled Samoylenko, not knowing what to answer. Does she love you? Yes, she loves me in so far as at her age and with her temperament she wants a man. It would be as difficult for her to do without me as to do without her powder or her curl-papers. I am for her an indispensable, integral part of her boudoir. Samoylenko was embarrassed. You are out of humour to-day, Vanya, he said. You must have had a bad night. Yes, I slept badly. Altogether, I feel horribly out of sorts, brother. My head feels empty; theres a sinking at my heart, a weakness. I must run away. Run where? There, to the North. To the pines and the mushrooms, to people and ideas. Id give half my life to bathe now in some little stream in the province of Moscow or Tula; to feel chilly, you know, and then to stroll for three hours even with the feeblest student, and to talk and talk endlessly. And the scent of the hay! Do you remember it? And in the evening, when one walks in the garden, sounds of the piano float from the house; one hears the train passing. |
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