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to wretched little shopkeepers, and to treat them with scorn. No indeed, you dont buy me! Im not a Yulitchka! Laptev did not attempt to pay the driver, knowing that it would call forth a perfect torrent of words, such as he had often heard before. She paid herself. She had a little furnished room in the flat of a solitary lady who provided her meals. Her big Becker piano was for the time at Yartsevs in Great Nikitsky Street, and she went there every day to play on it. In her room there were arm-chairs in loose covers, a bed with a white summer quilt, and flowers belonging to the landlady; there were oleographs on the walls, and there was nothing that would have suggested that there was a woman, and a woman of university education, living in it. There was no toilet table; there were no books; there was not even a writing-table. It was evident that she went to bed as soon as she got home, and went out as soon as she got up in the morning. The cook brought in the samovar. Polina Nikolaevna made tea, and, still shiveringthe room was coldbegan abusing the singers who had sung in the ninth symphony. She was so tired she could hardly keep her eyes open. She drank one glass of tea, then a second, and then a third. And so you are married, she said. But dont be uneasy; Im not going to pine away. I shall be able to tear you out of my heart. Only its annoying and bitter to me that you are just as contemptible as every one else; that what you want in a woman is not brains or intellect, but simply a body, good looks, and youth Youth! she pronounced through her nose, as though mimicking some one, and she laughed. Youth! You must have purity, reinheit! reinheit! she laughed, throwing herself back in her chair. Reinheit! When she left off laughing her eyes were wet with tears. Youre happy, at any rate? she asked. No. Does she love you? No. Laptev, agitated, and feeling miserable, stood up and began walking about the room. No, he repeated. If you want to know, Polina, Im very unhappy. Theres no help for it; Ive done the stupid thing, and theres no correcting it now. I must look at it philosophically. She married me without love, stupidly, perhaps with mercenary motives, but without understanding, and now she evidently sees her mistake and is miserable. I see it. At night we sleep together, but by day she is afraid to be left alone with me for five minutes, and tries to find distraction, society. With me she feels ashamed and frightened. And yet she takes money from you? Thats stupid, Polina! cried Laptev. She takes money from me because it makes absolutely no difference to her whether she has it or not. She is an honest, pure girl. She married me simply because she wanted to get away from her father, thats all. And are you sure she would have married you if you had not been rich? asked Polina. Im not sure of anything, said Laptev dejectedly. Not of anything. I dont understand anything. For Gods sake, Polina, dont let us talk about it. Do you love her? |
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