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At supper he kept sighing and shaking his head. Yes, everything on this earth has an end, he said softly, screwing up his dark eyes. You will fall in love and suffer. You will fall out of love; youll be deceived, for there is no woman who will not deceive; you will suffer, will be brought to despair, and will be faithless too. But the time will come when all this will be a memory, and when you will reason about it coldly and look upon it as utterly trivial. Laptev, tired, a little drunk, looked at his handsome head, his clipped black beard, and seemed to understand why women so loved this pampered, conceited, and physically handsome creature. After supper Panaurov did not stay in the house, but went off to his other lodgings. Laptev went out to see him on his way. Panaurov was the only man in the town who wore a top-hat, and his elegant, dandified figure, his top-hat and tan gloves, beside the grey fences, the pitiful little houses, with their three windows and the thickets of nettles, always made a strange and mournful impression. After saying good-bye to him Laptev returned home without hurrying. The moon was shining brightly; one could distinguish every straw on the ground, and Laptev felt as though the moonlight were caressing his bare head, as though some one were passing a feather over his hair. I love! he pronounced aloud, and he had a sudden longing to run to overtake Panaurov, to embrace him, to forgive him, to make him a present of a lot of money, and then to run off into the open country, into a wood, to run on and on without looking back. At home he saw lying on the chair the parasol Yulia Sergeyevna had forgotten; he snatched it up and kissed it greedily. The parasol was a silk one, no longer new, tied round with old elastic. The handle was a cheap one, of white bone. Laptev opened it over him, and he felt as though there were the fragrance of happiness about him. He settled himself more comfortably in his chair, and still keeping hold of the parasol, began writing to Moscow to one of his friends: Dear Precious Kostya, Here is news for you: Im in love again! I say again, because six years ago I fell in love with a Moscow actress, though I didnt even succeed in making her acquaintance, and for the last year and a half I have been living with a certain person you knowa woman neither young nor good-looking. Ah, my dear boy, how unlucky I am in love. Ive never had any success with women, and if I say again its simply because its rather sad and mortifying to acknowledge even to myself that my youth has passed entirely without love, and that Im in love in a real sense now for the first time in my life, at thirty-four. Let it stand that I love again. |
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