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ends of the earth are poetic license; the earth and all its ends can be reduced to the flat of the man she loves. And so not to live in the same flat with the woman who loves you is to deny her her exalted vocation and to refuse to share her ideals. Yes, my dear fellow, Turgenev wrote, and I have to suffer for it. What Turgenev has got to do with it I dont understand, said Gruzin softly, and he shrugged his shoulders. Do you remember, George, how in Three Meetings he is walking late in the evening somewhere in Italy, and suddenly hears, Vieni pensando a me segretamente, Gruzin hummed. Its fine. But she hasnt come to settle with you by force, said Pekarsky. It was your own wish. What next! Far from wishing it, I never imagined that this would ever happen. When she said she was coming to live with me, I thought it was a charming joke on her part. Everybody laughed. I couldnt have wished for such a thing, said Orlov in the tone of a man compelled to justify himself. I am not a Turgenev hero, and if I ever wanted to free Bulgaria I shouldnt need a ladys company. I look upon love primarily as a necessity of my physical nature, degrading and antagonistic to my spirit; it must either be satisfied with discretion or renounced altogether, otherwise it will bring into ones life elements as unclean as itself. For it to be an enjoyment and not a torment, I will try to make it beautiful and to surround it with a mass of illusions. I should never go and see a woman unless I were sure beforehand that she would be beautiful and fascinating; and I should never go unless I were in the mood. And it is only in that way that we succeed in deceiving one another, and fancying that we are in love and happy. But can I wish for copper saucepans and untidy hair, or like to be seen myself when I am unwashed or out of humour? Zinaida Fyodorovna in the simplicity of her heart wants me to love what I have been shunning all my life. She wants my flat to smell of cooking and washing up; she wants all the fuss of moving into another flat, of driving about with her own horses; she wants to count over my linen and to look after my health; she wants to meddle in my personal life at every instant, and to watch over every step; and at the same time she assures me genuinely that my habits and my freedom will be untouched. She is persuaded that, like a young couple, we shall very soon go for a honeymoonthat is, she wants to be with me all the time in trains and hotels, while I like to read on the journey and cannot endure talking in trains. You should give her a talking to, said Pekarsky. What! Do you suppose she would understand me? Why, we think so differently. In her opinion, to leave ones papa and mamma or ones husband for the sake of the man one loves is the height of civic virtue, while I look upon it as childish. To fall in love and run away with a man to her means beginning a new life, while to my mind it means nothing at all. Love and man constitute the chief interest of her life, and possibly it is the philosophy of the unconscious at work in her. Try and make her believe that love is only a simple physical need, like the need of food or clothes; that it doesnt mean the end of the world if wives and husbands are unsatisfactory; that a man may be a profligate and a libertine, and yet a man of honour and a genius; and that, on the other hand, one may abstain from the pleasures of love and at the same time be a stupid, vicious animal! The civilised man of to-day, even among the lower classesfor instance, the French workmanspends ten sous on dinner, five sous on his wine, and five or ten sous on woman, and devotes his brain and nerves entirely to his work. But Zinaida Fyodorovna assigns to love not so many sous, but her whole soul. I might give her a talking to, but she would raise a wail in answer, and declare in all sincerity that I had ruined her, that she had nothing left to live for. Dont say anything to her, said Pekarsky, but simply take a separate flat for her, thats all. Thats easy to say. There was a brief silence. |
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