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woke Spiridonovna, and began assuring her she had been joking. Then she went to her bedroom. Red- haired Masha, who was dozing in an arm-chair near the bed, jumped up and began shaking up the pillows. Her face was exhausted and sleepy, and her magnificent hair had fallen on one side. Tchalikov came again this evening, she said, yawning, but I did not dare to announce him; he was very drunk. He says he will come again tomorrow. What does he want with me? said Anna Akimovna, and she flung her comb on the floor. I wont see him, I wont. She made up her mind she had no one left in life but this Tchalikov, that he would never leave off persecuting her, and would remind her every day how uninteresting and absurd her life was. So all she was fit for was to help the poor. Oh, how stupid it was! She lay down without undressing, and sobbed with shame and depression: what seemed to her most vexatious and stupid of all was that her dreams that day about Pimenov had been right, lofty, honourable, but at the same time she felt that Lysevitch and even Krylin were nearer to her than Pimenov and all the workpeople taken together. She thought that if the long day she had just spent could have been represented in a picture, all that had been bad and vulgaras, for instance, the dinner, the lawyers talk, the game of kingswould have been true, while her dreams and talk about Pimenov would have stood out from the whole as something false, as out of drawing; and she thought, too, that it was too late to dream of happiness, that everything was over for her, and it was impossible to go back to the life when she had slept under the same quilt with her mother, or to devise some new special sort of life. Red-haired Masha was kneeling before the bed, gazing at her in mournful perplexity; then she, too, began crying, and laid her face against her mistresss arm, and without words it was clear why she was so wretched. We are fools! said Anna Akimovna, laughing and crying. We are fools! Oh, what fools we are! 1894 |
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