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I desire to express my word to you, Prokofy began. This incident cannot continue, because, as you understand yourself that for such a vale, people will say nothing good of you or of us. Mamma, through pity, cannot say something unpleasant to you, that your sister should move into another lodging on account of her condition, but I wont have it any more, because I cant approve of her behaviour. I understood him, and I went out of the shop. The same day my sister and I moved to Radishs. We had no money for a cab, and we walked on foot; I carried a parcel of our belongings on my back; my sister had nothing in her hands, but she gasped for breath and coughed, and kept asking whether we should get there soon. XIX At last a letter came from Masha. Dear, good M. A. (she wrote), our kind, gentle angel as the old painter calls you, farewell; I am going with my father to America for the exhibition. In a few days I shall see the oceanso far from Dubetchnya, its dreadful to think! Its far and unfathomable as the sky, and I long to be there in freedom. I am triumphant, I am mad, and you see how incoherent my letter is. Dear, good one, give me my freedom, make haste to break the thread, which still holds, binding you and me together. My meeting and knowing you was a ray from heaven that lighted up my existence; but my becoming your wife was a mistake, you understand that, and I am oppressed now by the consciousness of the mistake, and I beseech you, on my knees, my generous friend, quickly, quickly, before I start for the ocean, telegraph that you consent to correct our common mistake, to remove the solitary stone from my wings, and my father, who will undertake all the arrangements, promised me not to burden you too much with formalities. And so I am free to fly whither I will? Yes? Be happy, and God bless you; forgive me, a sinner. I am well, I am wasting money, doing all sorts of silly things, and I thank God every minute that such a bad woman as I has no children. I sing and have success, but its not an infatuation; no, its my haven, my cell to which I go for peace. King David had a ring with an inscription on it: All things pass. When one is sad those words make one cheerful, and when one is cheerful it makes one sad. I have got myself a ring like that with Hebrew letters on it, and this talisman keeps me from infatuations. All things pass, life will pass, one wants nothing. Or at least one wants nothing but the sense of freedom, for when anyone is free, he wants nothing, nothing, nothing. Break the thread. A warm hug to you and your sister. Forgive and forget your M. My sister used to lie down in one room, and Radish, who had been ill again and was now better, in another. Just at the moment when I received this letter my sister went softly into the painters room, sat down beside him and began reading aloud. She read to him every day, Ostrovsky or Gogol, and he listened, staring at one point, not laughing, but shaking his head and muttering to himself from time to time: Anything may happen! Anything may happen! If anything ugly or unseemly were depicted in the play he would say as though vindictively, thrusting his finger into the book: There it is, lying! Thats what it does, lying does. The plays fascinated him, both from their subjects and their moral, and from their skilful, complex construction, and he marvelled at him, never calling the author by his name. How neatly he has put it all together. This time my sister read softly only one page, and could read no more: her voice would not last out. Radish took her hand and, moving his parched lips, said, hardly audibly, in a husky voice: |
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