“Know all men by these presents that I—” Here he paused, and looked up to the ceiling, while an audible voice in a corner of the room was heard to say, “He’s drawing up a deed to a tract of land,” and they all laughed.

“In the name of God, Amen!” he began a second time, only to hear another voice, in a loud whisper, say, “He’s making his will, now. I thought he couldn’t live long, he looks so powerful bad.”

was the next essay, when some erudite gentleman remarked, “He is not dead, but sleepeth.”

“O yes! O yes!” continued the squire. One voice replied, “Oh, no! oh, no! don’t let’s”; another whispered, “No bail!” Some person out of doors sang out, “Come into court!” and the laughter was general. The bridesmaids spilt the tallow from their candles all over the floor, in the vain attempt to look serious. One of them had a red mark on her lip for a month afterwards, where she had bit it. The bridegroom put his hands in his pockets, and took them out again; the bride looked as if she would faint; and so did the squire.

But the squire was an indefatigable man, and kept trying. His next effort was:

“To all and singular the sher—” “Let’s run! he’s going to level on us,” said two or three at once.

Here a gleam of light flashed across the face of Squire Tompkins. That dignitary looked around all at once, with as much satisfaction as Archimedes could have felt when he discovered the method of ascertaining the specific gravity of bodies. In a grave and dignified manner, he said, “Mr. Hodgkins, hold up your right hand.” George Washington obeyed, and held up his hand. “Miss Polly, hold up yours.” Polly in confusion held up her left hand. “The other hand, Miss Peablossom.” And the squire proceeded, in a loud and composed manner, to qualify them: “You and each of you do solemnly swear, in the presence of Almighty God and the present company, that you will perform toward each other all and singular the functions of husband and wife, as the case may be, to the best of your knowledge and ability, so help you God!”

“Good as wheat!” said Captain Peablossom. “Polly, my gal, come and kiss your old father: I never felt so happy since the day I was discharged from the army and set out homeward to see your mother.”