Jaff. Let Heaven forget me
When I remember not thy truth, thy love.
How curst is my condition, tossed and justled,
From every corner; Fortune’s common fool,
The jest of rogues, an instrumental ass
For villains to lay loads of shame upon,
And drive about just for their ease and soorn.

EnterPieree.

Pierr. Jaffeir!

Jaff. Who calls!

Pierr. A friend, that could have wished
T’ have found thee otherwise employed: what, hunt
A wife on the dull soil! sure a staunch husband
Of all hounds is the dullest? wilt thou never,
Never be weaned from caudles and confections?
What feminine tale hast thou been listening to,
Of unaired shirts; catarrhs and toothache got
By thin-soled shoes? Damnation! that a fellow
Chosen to be a sharer in the destruction
Of a whole people, should sneak thus in corners
To ease his fulsome lusts, and fool his mind.

Jaff. May not a man then trifle out an hour
With a kind woman and not wrong his calling?

Pierr. Not in a cause like ours.

Jaff. Then, friend, our cause
Is in a damned condition: for I’ll tell thee,
That canker-worm called Lechery has touched it,
’Tis tainted vilely: wouldst thou think it, Renault
(That mortified old withered winter rogue)
Loves simple fornication like a priest;
I found him out for watering at my wife:
He visited her last night like a kind guardian:
Faith, she has some temptations, that’s the truth on’t.

Pierr. He durst not wrong his trust!

Jaff. ’Twas something late, though,
To take the freedom of a lady’s chamber.

Pierr. Was she in bed?

Jaff. Yes, faith, in virgin sheets
White as her bosom, Pierre, dished neatly up,
Might tempt a weaker appetite to taste.
Oh, how the old fox stunk, I warrant thee,
When the rank fit was on him!

Pierr. Patience guide me!
He used no violence?

Jaff. No, no! out on’t, violence!
Played with her neck; brushed her with his grey-beard,
Struggled and towzed, tickled her till she squeaked a little
May be, or so—but not a jot of violence—

Pierr. Damn him!

Jaff. Ay, so say I: but hush, no more on’t—
All hitherto is well, and I believe
Myself no monster yet: though no man knows
What fate he’s born to: sure ’tis near the hour
We all should meet for our concluding orders:
Will the ambassador be here in person?

Pierr. No: he has sent commission to that villain, Renault.
To give the executing charge.
I’d have thee be a man, if possible,
And keep thy temper; for a brave revenge
Ne’er comes too late.

Jaff. Fear not, I’m cool as patience:
Had he completed my dishonour, rather
Than hazard the success our hopes are ripe for,
I’d bear it all with mortifying virtue.

Pierr. He’s yonder coming this way through the hall;
His thoughts seem full.

Jaff. Prithee retire, and leave me
With him alone: I’ll put him to some trial,
See how his rotten part will bear the touching.