Lady B. Shield me, kind heaven! What an inundation of impertinence is here coming upon us!

Enter Lady FANCIFUL, who runs first to Lady BRUTE, then to BELINDA, kissing them.

Lady F. My dear Lady Brute, and sweet Belinda, methinks ’tis an age since I saw you.

Lady B. Yet ’tis but three days; sure, you have passed your time very ill, it seems so long to you!

Lady F. Why, really, to confess the truth to you, I am so everlastingly fatigued with the addresses of unfortunate gentlemen, that were it not for the extravagancy of the example, I should e’en tear out these wicked eyes with my own fingers to make both myself and mankind easy. What think you on’t, Mr. Heartfree, for I take you to be my faithful adviser?

Heart. Why, truly, madam, I think every project that is for the good of mankind ought to be encouraged.

Lady F. Then I have your consent, sir?

Heart. To do whatever you please, madam.

Lady F. You had a much more limited complaisance this morning, sir. Would you believe it, ladies? this gentleman has been so exceeding generous, to tell me of above fifty faults, in less time than it was well possible for me to commit two of them.

Con. Why, truly, madam, my friend there is apt to be something familiar with the ladies.

Lady F. He is, indeed, sir; but he’s wondrous charitable with it; he has had the goodness to design a reformation, e’en down to my fingers’ ends. ’Twas thus, I think, sir [opening her fingers in an awkward manner] you’d have them stand? My eyes, too, he did not like. How was it you would have directed them? thus, I think. [Staring at him.] Then, there was something amiss in my gait, too; I don’t know well how ’twas, but, as I take it, he would have me walk like him. Pray, sir, do me the favour to take a turn or two about the room, that the company may see you. He’s sullen, ladies, and won’t. But, to make short, and give you as true an idea as I can of the matter, I think ’twas much about this figure in general, he would have moulded me to—but I was an obstinate woman, and could not resolve to make myself mistress of his heart, by growing as awkward as his fancy. [She walks awkwardly about, staring and looking ungainly; then changes on a sudden to the extremity of her usual affectation.

Heart. Just thus women do, when they think we are in love with them, or when they are so with us.

[CONSTANT and Lady B. talk together apart.

Lady F. ’Twould, however, be less vanity for me to conclude the former, than you the latter, sir.

Heart. Madam, all I shall presume to conclude is, that if I were in love, you’d find the means to make me soon weary on’t.

Lady F. Not by over fondness, upon my word, sir. But, pr’ythee, let’s stop here; for you are so much governed by instinct, I know you’ll grow brutish at last.

Bel. [aside] Now am I sure she’s fond of him. I’ll try to make her jealous. Well, for my part, I should be glad to find somebody would be so free with me, that I might know my faults, and mend them.

Lady F. Then, pray, let me recommend this gentleman to you; I have known him some time, and will be surety for him, that upon a very limited encouragement on your side, you shall find an extended impudence on his.