Sir J. I see it goes d—y against your stomach; and, there-fore,—kiss me again.

Lady B. Nay, now you fool me.

Sir J. Do it, I say.

Lady B. [aside]. Ah! lord have mercy upon me! Well—there! Now will you go?

Sir J. Now, wife, you shall see my gratitude: you gave me two kisses; I’ll give you—two hundred.

[Kisses and tumbles her.

Lady B. Oh, lord! pray, Sir John, be quiet! Heavens! what a pickle I am in.

Sir J. So, now, you being as dirty and as nasty as myself, we may go pig together. But, first, I must have a cup of your cold tea, wife.

[Going to the closet.

Lady B. [aside]. Oh! I am ruined! There’s none there, my dear.

Sir J. I’ll warrant you I’ll find some, my dear.

Lady B. You can’t open the door; the lock’s spoiled: I have been turning and turning the key this half-hour, to no purpose. I’ll send for the smith to-morrow.

Sir J. There’s ne’er a smith in Europe can open a door with more expedition than I can do. As for example:—[He bursts open the door.] How now! What the devil have we got here? Constant, Heartfree,—and two w—again, egad! This is the worst cold tea that ever I met with in my life! “I have been turning and turning—”

Enter CONSTANT and HEARTFREE from the closet.

Lady B. [aside]. Oh, lord; what will become of us!

Sir J. Gentlemen, I am your very humble servant. I give you many thanks. I see you take care of my family: I shall do all I can to return the obligation.

Con. Sir, how oddly soever this business may appear to you, you’d have no cause to be uneasy, if you knew the truth of all things. Your lady is the most virtuous woman in the world, and nothing has passed but an innocent frolic.

Heart. Nothing else, upon my honour, sir.

Sir J. You are both very civil gentlemen; and my wife there, is a very civil gentlewoman; therefore, I don’t doubt but many civil things have passed between you. Your very humble servant.

Lady B. [aside to CONSTANT]. Pray, begone; he’s so drunk, he can’t hurt us to-night, and to-morrow morning you shall hear from us.

Con. I’ll obey you, madam. Sir, when you are cool, you’ll understand reason better: so, then, I shall take the pains to inform you; if not, I wear a sword, sir, and so good b’ye. Come along, Heartfree.

[Exeunt.