Mrs Allonby Twenty years of romance! Is there such a thing?

Lord Illingworth Not in our day. Women have become too brilliant. Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.

Mrs Allonby Or the want of it in the man.

Lord Illingworth You are quite right. In a Temple everyone should be serious, except the thing that is worshipped.

Mrs Allonby And that should be man?

Lord Illingworth Women kneel so gracefully; men don’t.

Mrs Allonby You are thinking of Lady Stutfield!

Lord Illingworth I assure you I have not thought of Lady Stutfield for the last quarter of an hour.

Mrs Allonby Is she such a mystery?

Lord Illingworth She is more than a mystery—she is a mood.

Mrs Allonby Moods don’t last.

Lord Illingworth It is their chief charm.

Enter Hester and Gerald

Gerald Lord Illingworth, everyone° has been congratulating me, Lady Hunstanton and Lady Caroline, and…everyone. I hope I shall make a good secretary.

Lord Illingworth You will be the pattern secretary, Gerald.

(Talks to him) [apart]

Mrs Allonby You enjoy country life, Miss Worsley?

Hester Very much indeed.

Mrs Allonby Don’t find yourself longing for a London dinner-party?

Hester I dislike London dinner-parties.

Mrs Allonby I adore them. The clever people never listen, and the stupid people never talk.

Hester I think the stupid people talk a great deal.

Mrs Allonby Ah, I never listen!

Lord Illingworth My dear boy, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have made you the offer. It is because I like you so much that I want to have you with me.

Exit Hester with Gerald

Charming fellow, Gerald Arbuthnot!

Mrs Allonby He is very nice; very nice indeed. But I can’t stand the American young lady.