Mrs Allonby It is an arrow shot into the air.

Lord Illingworth Don’t you know that I always succeed in whatever I try?

Mrs Allonby I am sorry to hear it. We women adore failures. They lean on us.

Lord Illingworth You worship successes. You cling to them.

Mrs Allonby We are the laurels to hide their baldness.

Lord Illingworth And they need you always, except at the moment of triumph.

Mrs Allonby They are uninteresting then.

Lord Illingworth How tantalizing you are!

A pause

Mrs Allonby Lord Illingworth, there is one thing I shall always like you for.

Lord Illingworth Only one thing? And I have so many bad qualities.

Mrs Allonby Ah, don’t be too conceited about them. You may lose them as you grow old.

Lord Illingworth I never intend to grow old. The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life.

Mrs Allonby And the body is born young and grows old. That is life’s tragedy.

Lord Illingworth It’s comedy also, sometimes. But what is the mysterious reason why you will always like me?

Mrs Allonby It is that you have never made love to me.

Lord Illingworth I have never done anything else.

Mrs Allonby Really? I have not noticed it.

Lord Illingworth How fortunate! It might have been a tragedy for both of us.

Mrs Allonby We should each have survived.

Lord Illingworth One can survive everything nowadays, except death, and live down anything except a good reputation.

Mrs Allonby Have you tried a good reputation?

Lord Illingworth It is one of the many annoyances to which I have never been subjected.

Mrs Allonby It may come.

Lord Illingworth Why do you threaten me?

Mrs Allonby I will tell you when you have kissed the Puritan.

Enter Footman

Francis Tea is served in the Yellow Drawing-room, my lord.