Lord Illingworth Oh, they go to America.

Kelvil I am afraid you don’t appreciate America, Lord Illingworth. It is a very remarkable country, especially considering its youth.

Lord Illingworth The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years. To hear them talk one would imagine they were in their first childhood. As far as civilization goes they are in their second.

Kelvil There is undoubtedly a great deal of corruption in American politics. I suppose you allude to that?

Lord Illingworth I wonder.

Lady Hunstanton Politics are in a sad way everywhere, I am told. They certainly are in England. Dear Mr Cardew is ruining the country. I wonder Mrs Cardew allows him. I am sure, Lord Illingworth, you don’t think that uneducated people should be allowed to have votes?

Lord Illingworth I think they are the only people who should.

Kelvil Do you take no side then in modern politics, Lord Illingworth?

Lord Illingworth One should never take sides in anything, Mr Kelvil. Taking sides is the beginning of sincerity, and earnestness follows shortly afterwards, and the human being becomes a bore. However, the House of Commons really does very little harm. You can’t make people good by Act of Parliament,—that is something.

Kelvil You cannot deny that the House of Commons has always shown great sympathy with the sufferings of the poor.

Lord Illingworth That is its special vice. That is the special vice of the age. One should sympathize with the joy, the beauty, the colour of life. The less said about life’s sores the better, Mr Kelvil.

Kelvil Still our East End° is a very important problem.

Lord Illingworth Quite so. It is the problem of slavery. And we are trying to solve it by amusing the slaves.

Lady Hunstanton Certainly, a great deal may be done by means of cheap entertainments, as you say, Lord Illingworth. Dear Dr Daubeny, our rector here, provides, with the assistance of his curates, really admirable recreations for the poor during the winter. And much good may be done by means of a magic lantern, or a missionary, or some popular amusement of that kind.

Lady Caroline I am not at all in favour of amusements for the poor, Jane. Blankets and coals° are sufficient. There is too much love of pleasure amongst the upper classes as it is. Health is what we want in modern life. The tone is not healthy, not healthy at all.

Kelvil You are quite right, Lady Caroline.

Lady Caroline I believe I am usually right.

Mrs Allonby Horrid word ‘health’.

Lord Illingworth Silliest word in our language, and one knows so well the popular idea of health. The English country gentleman galloping after a fox—the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.°