Lord Caversham Well, sir! what are you doing here? Wasting your life as usual! You should be in bed, sir. You keep too late hours! I heard of you the other night at Lady Rufford’s° dancing till four o’clock in the morning!

Lord Goring Only a quarter to four, father.

Lord Caversham Can’t make out how you stand London Society. The thing has gone to the dogs, a lot of damned nobodies talking about nothing.

Lord Goring I love talking about nothing, father. It is the only thing I know anything about.

Lord Caversham You seem to me to be living entirely for pleasure.

Lord Goring What else is there to live for, father? Nothing ages like happiness.

Lord Caversham You are heartless, sir, very heartless!

Lord Goring I hope not, father. Good evening, Lady Basildon!

Lady Basildon (arching two pretty eyebrows) Are you here? I had no idea you ever came to political parties!

Lord Goring I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don’t talk politics.

Lady Basildon I delight in talking politics. I talk them all day long. But I can’t bear listening to them. I don’t know how the unfortunate men in the House stand these long debates.

Lord Goring By never listening.

Lady Basildon Really?

Lord Goring (in his most serious manner) Of course. You see, it is a very dangerous thing to listen. If one listens one may be convinced; and a man who allows himself to be convinced by an argument is a thoroughly unreasonable person.

Lady Basildon Ah! that accounts for so much in men that I have never understood, and so much in women that their husbands never appreciate in them!

Mrs Marchmont (with a sigh) Our husbands never appreciate anything in us. We have to go to others for that!

Lady Basildon (emphatically) Yes, always to others, have we not?

Lord Goring (smiling) And those are the views of the two ladies who are known to have the most admirable husbands in London.

Mrs Marchmont That is exactly what we can’t stand. My Reginald is quite hopelessly faultless. He is really unendurably so, at times! There is not the smallest element of excitement in knowing him.

Lord Goring How terrible! Really, the thing should be more widely known!

Lady Basildon Basildon is quite as bad; he is as domestic as if he was a bachelor.

Mrs Marchmont (pressing Lady Basildon’s hand) My poor Olivia! We have married perfect husbands, and we are well punished for it.

Lord Goring I should have thought it was the husbands who were punished.