Mrs Marchmont (drawing herself up) Oh dear, no! They are as happy as possible! And as for trusting us, it is tragic how much they trust us.

Lady Basildon Perfectly tragic!

Lord Goring Or comic, Lady Basildon?

Lady Basildon Certainly not comic, Lord Goring. How unkind of you to suggest such a thing!

Mrs Marchmont I am afraid Lord Goring is in the camp of the enemy, as usual. I saw him talking to that Mrs Cheveley when he came in.

Lord Goring Handsome woman, Mrs Cheveley!

Lady Basildon (stiffly) Please don’t praise other women in our presence. You might wait for us to do that!

Lord Goring I did wait.

Mrs Marchmont Well, we are not going to praise her. I hear she went to the Opera on Monday night, and told Tommy Rufford at supper that, as far as she could see, London Society was entirely made up of dowdies and dandies.

Lord Goring She is quite right, too. The men are all dowdies and the women are all dandies, aren’t they?

[A pause]

Mrs Marchmont Oh! do you really think that is what Mrs Cheveley meant?

Lord Goring Of course. And a very sensible remark for Mrs Cheveley to make, too.

Enter Mabel Chiltern. She joins the group

Mabel Chiltern Why are you talking about Mrs Cheveley? Everybody is talking about Mrs Cheveley! Lord Goring says—what did you say, Lord Goring, about Mrs Cheveley? Oh! I remember, that she was a genius in the daytime and a beauty at night.

Lady Basildon What a horrid combination! So very unnatural!

Mrs Marchmont (in her most dreamy manner) I like looking at geniuses, and listening to beautiful people.

Lord Goring Ah! that is morbid of you, Mrs Marchmont!

Mrs Marchmont (brightening to a look of real pleasure) I am so glad to hear you say that. Marchmont and I have been married for seven years, and he has never once told me that I was morbid. Men are so painfully unobservant!

Lady Basildon (turning to her) I have always said, dear Margaret, that you were the most morbid person in London.

Mrs Marchmont Ah! but you are always sympathetic, Olivia!

Mabel Chiltern Is it morbid to have a desire for food? I have a great desire for food. Lord Goring, will you give me some supper?

Lord Goring With pleasure, Miss Mabel.