Mabel Chiltern Gertrude,° I wish you would speak to Tommy Trafford.

Lady Chiltern What has poor Mr Trafford done this time? Robert says he is the best secretary he has ever had.

Mabel Chiltern Well, Tommy has proposed to me again. Tommy really does nothing but propose to me. He proposed to me last night in the music-room, when I was quite unprotected, as there was an elaborate trio going on. I didn’t dare to make the smallest repartee, I need hardly tell you. If I had, it would have stopped the music at once. Musical people are so absurdly unreasonable. They always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be absolutely deaf. Then he proposed to me in broad daylight this morning, in front of that dreadful statue° of Achilles. Really, the things that go on in front of that work of art are quite appalling. The police should interfere. At luncheon I saw by the glare in his eye that he was going to propose again, and I just managed to check him in time by assuring him that I was a bimetallist. Fortunately I don’t know what bimetallism° means. And I don’t believe anybody else does either. But the observation crushed Tommy for ten minutes. He looked quite shocked. And then Tommy is so annoying in the way he proposes. If he proposed at the top of his voice, I should not mind so much. That might produce some effect on the public. But he does it in a horrid confidential way. When Tommy wants to be romantic he talks to one just like a doctor. I am very fond of Tommy, but his methods of proposing are quite out of date. I wish, Gertrude, you would speak to him, and tell him that once a week is quite often enough to propose to any one, and that it should always be done in a manner that attracts some attention.°

Lady Chiltern Dear Mabel, don’t talk like that. Besides, Robert thinks very highly of Mr Trafford. He believes he has a brilliant future before him.

Mabel Chiltern Oh! I wouldn’t marry a man with a future before him for anything under the sun.

Lady Chiltern Mabel!

Mabel Chiltern I know, dear.° You married a man with a future, didn’t you? But then Robert was a genius, and you have a noble, self-sacrificing character. You can stand geniuses. I have no character at all, and Robert is the only genius I could ever bear. As a rule, I think they are quite impossible. Geniuses talk so much, don’t they? Such a bad habit! And they are always thinking about themselves, when I want them to be thinking about me. I must go round now and rehearse at Lady Basildon’s. You remember we are having tableaux,° don’t you? The Triumph of something, I don’t know what! I hope it will be triumph of me. Only triumph I am really interested in at present. (Kisses Lady Chiltern and goes out; then comes running back) Oh, Gertrude, do you know who is coming to see you? That dreadful Mrs Cheveley, in a most lovely gown. Did you ask her?

Lady Chiltern (rising) Mrs Cheveley! Coming to see me? Impossible!

Mabel Chiltern I assure you she is coming upstairs, as large as life and not nearly so natural.

Lady Chiltern You need not wait, Mabel. Remember, Lady Basildon is expecting you.

Mabel Chiltern Oh! I must shake hands with Lady Markby. She is delightful. I love being scolded by her.

Enter Mason

Mason Lady Markby. Mrs Cheveley.

Enter Lady Markby and Mrs Cheveley [Exit Mason]

Lady Chiltern (advancing to meet them) Dear Lady Markby, how nice of you to come and see me! (Shakes hands with her, and bows somewhat distantly° to Mrs Cheveley) Won’t you sit down, Mrs Cheveley?