to listen, society here would be quite civilized. Besides, I have arrived at the romantic stage. When I saw you last night at the Chilterns’, I knew you were the only person I had ever cared for, if I ever have cared for anybody, Arthur. And so, on the morning of the day you marry me, I will give you Robert Chiltern’s letter. That is my offer. I will give it to you now, if you promise to marry me.

Lord Goring Now?

Mrs Cheveley (smiling) Tomorrow.

Lord Goring Are you really serious?

Mrs Cheveley Yes, quite serious.

Lord Goring I should make you a very bad husband.

Mrs Cheveley I don’t mind bad husbands. I have had two. They amused me immensely.

Lord Goring You mean that you amused yourself immensely, don’t you?

Mrs Cheveley What do you know about my married life?

Lord Goring Nothing: but I can read it like a book.

Mrs Cheveley What book?

Lord Goring (rising) The Book of Numbers.°

Mrs Cheveley Do you think it is quite charming of you to be so rude to a woman in your own house?

Lord Goring In the case of very fascinating women, sex is a challenge, not a defence.

Mrs Cheveley I suppose that is meant for a compliment. My dear Arthur, women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the two sexes.

Lord Goring Women are never disarmed by anything, as far as I know them.

[A pause]

Mrs Cheveley Then you are going to allow your greatest friend, Robert Chiltern, to be ruined, rather than marry someone who really has considerable attractions left. I thought you would have risen to some great height of self-sacrifice, Arthur. I think you should. And the rest of your life you could spend in contemplating your own perfections.

Lord Goring Oh! I do that as it is. And self-sacrifice is a thing that should be put down by law. It is so demoralizing to the people for whom one sacrifices oneself. They always go to the bad.

Mrs Cheveley As if anything could demoralize Robert Chiltern! You seem to forget that I know his real character.

Lord Goring What you know about him is not his real character. It was an act of folly done in his youth, dishonourable, I admit, shameful, I admit, unworthy of him, I admit, and therefore… not his true character.

Mrs Cheveley How you men stand up for each other!

Lord Goring How you women war against each other!