Lady Bracknell Mr Worthing! Rise, sir, from this semi-recumbent posture. It is most indecorous.

Gwendolen Mamma! (He tries to rise; she restrains him) I must beg you to retire. This is no place for you. Besides, Mr Worthing has not quite finished yet.

Lady Bracknell Finished what, may I ask?

Gwendolen I am engaged to Mr Worthing, mamma. (They rise together)

Lady Bracknell Pardon me, you are not engaged to anyone. When you do become engaged to someone, I, or your father, should his health permit him, will inform you of the fact. An engagement should come on a young girl as a surprise, pleasant° or unpleasant, as the case may be. It is hardly a matter that she could be allowed to arrange for herself. … And now I have a few questions to put to you, Mr Worthing. While I am making these inquiries, you, Gwendolen, will wait for me below in the carriage.

Gwendolen (reproachfully) Mamma!

Lady Bracknell In the carriage, Gwendolen!

Gwendolen goes to the door. She and Jack blow kisses to each other behind Lady Bracknell’s back. Lady Bracknell looks vaguely about as if she could not understand what the noise was. Finally turns round

Gwendolen, the carriage!

Gwendolen Yes, mamma.

Goes out, looking back at Jack

Lady Bracknell (sitting down) You can take a seat, Mr Worthing.

(Looks in her pocket for note-book and pencil)°

Jack Thank you, Lady Bracknell, I prefer standing.

Lady Bracknell (pencil and note-book in hand). I feel bound to tell you that you are not down on my list of eligible young men, although I have the same list as the dear Duchess of Bolton has. We work together, in fact. However, I am quite ready to enter your name, should your answers be what a really affectionate mother requires. Do you smoke?

Jack Well, yes, I must admit I smoke.

Lady Bracknell I am glad to hear it. A man should always have an occupation of some kind. There are far too many idle men in London as it is. How old are you?

Jack Twenty-nine.

Lady Bracknell A very good age to be married at. I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing. Which do you know?

Jack (after some hesitation) I know nothing, Lady Bracknell.

Lady Bracknell I am pleased to hear it. I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square. What is your income?