Lady Bracknell Where did the charitable gentleman who had a first-class ticket for this seaside resort find you?

Jack (gravely) In a hand-bag.

Lady Bracknell A hand-bag?°

Jack (very seriously) Yes, Lady Bracknell. I was in a hand-bag—a somewhat large, black leather hand- bag, with handles to it—an ordinary hand-bag in fact.

Lady Bracknell In what locality did this Mr James, or Thomas, Cardew come across this ordinary hand- bag?

Jack In the cloak-room° at Victoria Station. It was given to him in mistake for his own.

Lady Bracknell The cloak-room at Victoria Station?

Jack Yes. The Brighton line.°

Lady Bracknell The line is immaterial.° Mr Worthing, I confess I feel somewhat bewildered by what you have just told me. To be born, or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether it had handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds° one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution. And I presume you know what that unfortunate movement led to? As for the particular locality in which the hand-bag was found, a cloak-room at a railway station might serve to conceal a social indiscretion°—has probably, indeed, been used for that purpose before now—but it could hardly be regarded as an assured basis for a recognized position in good society.

Jack May I ask you then what you would advise me to do? I need hardly say I would do anything in the world to ensure Gwendolen’s happiness.

Lady Bracknell I would strongly advise you, Mr Worthing, to try and acquire some relations as soon as possible, and to make a definite effort to produce at any rate one parent, of either sex, before the season° is quite over.

Jack Well, I don’t see how I could possibly manage to do that. I can produce the hand-bag at any moment. It is in my dressing-room at home. I really think that should satisfy you, Lady Bracknell.

Lady Bracknell Me, sir! What has it to do with me? You can hardly imagine that I and Lord Bracknell would dream of allowing our only daughter—a girl brought up with the utmost care—to marry into a cloak-room, and form an alliance with a parcel? Good morning, Mr Worthing!°

Lady Bracknell sweeps out in majestic indignation

Jack Good morning! (Algernon, from the other room, strikes up the Wedding March.° Jack looks perfectly furious, and goes to the door) For goodness’ sake don’t play that ghastly tune, Algy! How idiotic you are!

The music stops and Algernon enters cheerily

Algernon Didn’t it go off all right, old boy? You don’t mean to say Gwendolen refused you? I know it is a way she has. She is always refusing people. I think it is most ill-natured of her.

Jack Oh, Gwendolen is as right as a trivet. As far as she is concerned, we are engaged. Her mother is perfectly unbearable. Never met such a Gorgon.° … I don’t really know what a Gorgon is like, but I am quite sure that Lady Bracknell is one. In any case, she is a monster, without being a myth, which is