Chasuble You need have no apprehensions. Sprinkling is all that is necessary, or indeed I think advisable. Our weather is so changeable. At what hour would you wish the ceremony performed?

Jack Oh, I might trot round about five if that would suit you.

Chasuble Perfectly, perfectly! In fact I have two similar ceremonies to perform at that time. A case of twins that occurred recently in one of the outlying cottages on your own estate. Poor Jenkins the carter, a most hard-working man.

Jack Oh! I don’t see much fun in being christened along with other babies. It would be childish. Would half-past five do?

Chasuble Admirably! Admirably! (Takes out watch) And now, dear Mr Worthing, I will not intrude any longer into a house of sorrow. I would merely beg you not to be too much bowed down by grief. What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.

Miss Prism This seems to me a blessing of an extremely obvious kind.

Enter Cecily from the house

Cecily Uncle Jack! Oh, I am pleased to see you back. But what horrid clothes you have got on. Do go and change them.

Miss Prism Cecily!

Chasuble My child! my child.

Cecily goes towards Jack; he kisses her brow in a melancholy manner

Cecily What is the matter, Uncle Jack? Do look happy! You look as if you had toothache, and I have got such a surprise for you. Who do you think is in the dining-room? Your brother!

Jack Who?

Cecily Your brother Ernest. He arrived about half an hour ago.

Jack What nonsense! I haven’t got a brother.

Cecily Oh, don’t say that. However badly he may have behaved to you in the past he is still your brother. You couldn’t be so heartless as to disown him. I’ll tell him to come out. And you will shake hands with him, won’t you, Uncle Jack?

Runs back into the house

Chasuble These are very joyful tidings.

Miss Prism After we had all been resigned to his loss, his sudden return seems to me peculiarly distressing.

Jack My brother is in the dining-room? I don’t know what it all means. I think it is perfectly absurd.

Enter Algernon and Cecily hand in hand. They come slowly up to Jack

Jack Good heavens! (Motions Algernon away)

Algernon Brother John, I have come down from town to tell you that I am very sorry for all the trouble I have given you, and that I intend to lead a better life in the future. (Jack glares at him and does not take his hand)