Algernon I am afraid I can’t stay more than a week° this time.

Jack Merriman, order the dog-cart° at once. Mr Ernest has been suddenly called back to town.

Merriman Yes, sir.

Goes back into the house

Algernon What a fearful liar you are, Jack. I have not been called back to town at all.

Jack Yes, you have.

Algernon I haven’t heard anyone call me.

Jack Your duty as a gentleman calls you back.

Algernon My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree.

Jack I can quite understand that.

Algernon Well, Cecily is a darling.

Jack You are not to talk of Miss Cardew like that. I don’t like it.

Algernon Well, I don’t like your clothes. You look perfectly ridiculous in them. Why on earth don’t you go up and change? It is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning for a man who is actually staying for a whole week with you in your house as a guest. I call it grotesque.

Jack You are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as a guest or anything else. You have got to leave … by the four-five train.°

Algernon I certainly won’t leave you so long as you are in mourning. It would be most unfriendly. If I were in mourning you would stay with me, I suppose. I should think it very unkind if you didn’t.

Jack Well, will you go if I change my clothes?

Algernon Yes, if you are not too long. I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.

Jack Well, at any rate, that is better than being always over-dressed as you are.

Algernon If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over- educated.

Jack Your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct an outrage, and your presence in my garden utterly absurd. However, you have got to catch the four-five, and I hope you will have a pleasant journey back to town. This Bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you.

Goes into the house

Algernon I think it has been a great success. I’m in love with Cecily, and that is everything.

Enter Cecily at the back of the garden. She picks up the can and begins to water the flowers

But I must see her before I go, and make arrangements for another Bunbury. Ah, there she is.

Cecily Oh, I merely came back to water the roses. I thought you were with Uncle Jack.