Dor. And I hope you have made much of him?

Arch. Oh yes, madam, but the strength of your ladyship’s liquor is a little too potent for the constitution of your humble servant.

Mrs. Sul What, then you don’t usually drink ale?

Arch. No, madam; my constant drink is tea, or a little wine and water. ’Tis prescribed me by the physician for a remedy against the spleen.

Scrub. Oh la! Oh la! a footman have the spleen!

Mrs. Sul. I thought that distemper had been only proper to people of quality?

Arch. Madam, like all other fashions it wears out, and so descends to their servants; though in a great many of us, I believe, it proceeds from some melancholy particles in the blood, occasioned by the stagnation of wages.

Dor. [aside to Mrs. Sullen]. How affectedly the fellow talks! —[To Archer.] How long, pray, have you served your present master?

Arch. Not long; my life has been mostly spent in the service of the ladies.

Mrs. Sul. And pray, which service do you like best?

Arch. Madam, the ladies pay best; the honour of serving them is sufficient wages; there is a charm in their looks that delivers a pleasure with their commands, and gives our duty the wings of inclination.

Mrs. Sul. [aside]. That flight was above the pitch of a livery. —[Aloud.] And, sir, would not you be satisfied to serve a lady again?

Arch. As a groom of the chamber, madam, but not as a footman.

Mrs. Sul. I suppose you served as footman before?

Arch. For that reason I would not serve in that post again; for my memory is too weak for the load of messages that the ladies lay upon their servants in London. My Lady Howd’ye, the last mistress I served, called me up one morning, and told me, “Martin, go to my Lady Allnight with my humble service; tell her I was to wait on her ladyship yesterday, and left word with Mrs. Rebecca, that the preliminaries of the affair she knows of are stopped till we know the concurrence of the person that I know of, for which there are circumstances wanting which we shall accommodate at the old place; but that in the meantime there is a person about her ladyship, that from several hints and surmises, was accessory at a certain time to the disappointments that naturally attend things, that to her knowledge are of more importance—”

Mrs. Sul., Dor. Ha! ha! ha! where are you going, sir?

Arch. Why, I han’t half done!—The whole howd’ye was about half an hour long; so I happened to misplace two syllables, and was turned off, and rendered incapable.

Dor. [aside to Mrs. Sullen]. The pleasantest fellow, sister, I ever saw!—[To Archer.] But, friend, if your master be married, I presume you still serve a lady?

Arch. No, madam, I take care never to come into a married family! the commands of the master and mistress are always so contrary, that ’tis impossible to please both.